Today one of my co-supervisors emailed me and mentioned that we have reached a milestone: those of us who live in Naarm/Melbourne have had 200 days of being in lockdown.
At the beginning of stay at home orders, all the way back in March 2020, I remember this very conscious feeling of being in a moment of history; of thinking that future historians and thinkers will look back at this time to examine it for what it reveals of a number of things. But at that moment in time, it just felt – it just feels – very overwhelming.
Like many people last year, I felt the need to ‘go back’ to something. To find things that I could find joy in, that I could control and rely on. One of those things for me was growing plants. I experimented with growing food: too many tomatoes, cucumbers, some capsicums, some herbs – it felt nice to be in relationship with the process of growth. To be in relationship with something that didn’t necessarily care what today’s case numbers looked like. To touch, smell, and care for plants.
As our 6th lockdown stretches on, spring is creeping in to the air. The sun is rising higher above the roof line and allowing more light onto my small backyard, and the seedlings I’ve started in my make-shift greenhouse look full of promise. I have two sunflower seedlings – a frivolous but joyously intentioned choice. The last time I spoke to my Grandma when I visited in summer, she said I ought to try growing sunflowers. She died in April, and I’ve been anticipating spring all the more so I can try.
Despite a sense that we are stuck in something that began in March 2020 – that this is one big overwhelming and continuous thing – it is important, I think, to realise that life goes on. Seasons pass, seeds grow. I am 7 months into my PhD (which is one way of saying that I’ve read approximately 20 million articles and books recently). I’ve grown. I’ve managed. I’ve struggled. I’ve missed, and I’ve gained.
It’s still hard to be locked down, even considering my privileges. But seeds still grow, and soon I’ll be planting out.
Amanda Wells 